WomenSpeak » Women helping women

Women Are Their Own Worst Enemies

Dr. Nancy — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 16:53:41 +0000

I hate to say it but for years I have heard women tell me men are keeping them down. I think at one point in my life I agreed with their theory. After years of doing research and the last ten years talking with women experts and authors about a myriad of topics I clearly have heard it is not the men but women keeping other women down. I know you do not want to hear this but I have to be honest and tell the truth about women’s bad habit of putting another woman down, maybe for her hair, her clothes, her weight, or her social class. I hear from women in their 20’s and 30’s they would love to have female mentors in the work place helping them to excel in their jobs. That is not what I hear and what I do hear is women are blasting one another and are their own worst enemies. Time to stop this and fight fair….competition is healthy but back stabbing is uncalled for.

I recently spoke with Sharon Lechter, the author of the book titled Think and Grow Rich, Three Feet From Gold. She is a CPA and has dedicated her life to helping men and especially women be financially stable and able to care for themselves. She and I both agreed this is today a huge problem of women of all social classes that are not educated about finances and when a life crisis such as a death of a spouse or divorce, many are left completely shocked and fearful of money management. Women are also losing their hard earned cash to men who take it and leave them broke. What is wrong with this picture? Sharon and I also agreed women had better stop husband shopping and looking for PRINCE Charming to sweep them off their feet and make all the bad stuff go away. The top selling paperback books are romance novels in the United States. Women are looking for love in all the wrong places and are not helping each other learn basic skills to help them balance their checkbooks. Do you manage your own financial affairs or do you have someone else doing it for you?

Sharon says to be successful you have to plan on being just that, “successful” and one of the best ways to do so is with hard work and lots of help from others who have been there. One of the fastest growing trends in the United States is “women owned business.” I hope this means women are in fact out there helping one another. I am involved with a women initiative that is helping women in transition. We are helping them find good jobs, get training and also matching them up with female mentors to help them learn the ropes of the business world. We must help one another and not make any excuses about what is keeping us down. Today make yourself a promise to never put another woman down and promise to help another woman each and everyday. I think if we all do this we will see things change for the better and who knows there might be “NO MORE FIRSTS” for women. Dr Nancy

Change the World

cathy — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 18:11:46 +0000

As a 13-year-old black belt martial artist, Dallas Jessup made a movie to help prevent young girls from being abducted and sexually assaulted.

Downloaded over 1 Million times in 2 years. Click here to watch JUST YELL FIRE! Help change the world and share this link.

“Proving Them Wrong” a Great Motivator for Young Woman

Maggie — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 18:49:40 +0000

We heard recently from a young woman named Tenisha Edwards who has a business making inspirational t-shirt for girls. This is her story:

“Back when I was just a young girl, I remember being taken away in the police car, my mother had been missing in action all night,” recalls Tenisha. “From that day on for a very long time, I felt I was born to win but left to lose in this thing called life. My journey of not feeling Loved and low self esteem began.

“My first foster home was a devastating experience, they always called my mother “crazy” and for a 9 year old girl, if mom is crazy then I must be crazy too. They always talked bad about me as if I was not even there, they laughed at me because I didn’t know how to put on a training bra at the age of nine. The other kids in the home got new clothes and I got hand me downs.

“The next foster home was absolutely unhealthy … my foster dad wanted to have sex with me and would peek in on me while I was taking a shower. He told me that I was lucky to even talk to a man like him and I remember thinking if that’s lucky, I don’t ever want anything to do with luck. He also told me that I was too dark and my hair was nappy and my nose was big … oh yeah, lets not forget That I would amount to “NOTHING” in my life.

“It was in that moment that I decided that even though my parents left me and no one wanted or loved me and everyone in my life at that time made sure I didn’t forget it, that I would “BREAK THROUGH” and do great things with my life.

“I have a line of inspirational t shirts. My mission is to Inspire Real Life success for girls. My passion for this came from my experience growing up in foster care from age 9 until I was 18 years old and having no positive role models in my own life.

“I want to help young girls live life with purpose, passion and positivity and to know that no matter where you come from success is achievable. I give a percentage of the proceeds to Girl Talk www.desiretoinspire.org. I have designed my shirts to inspire and lift the spirits of all who wear them, as well as those who see them. Our Inspirational Tees were created from our hearts to yours as a tribute to celebrating life, embracing change, taking risk, and experiencing peace and joy.

Naturally there is nothing more important for you to do than to be … There is nothing better you can be than you naturally … Inspiring Real Life Success for young girls!”

Tenisha

I asked Tenisha what made it possible for her to rise above these tough times, and this is what she said:”Everyone in my life growing up told me that I would end up just like my mother and that was my motivation to rise above … I was determined not to be like her and people also told me that I would amount to “Nothing” in my life and that motivated me to do great things with my life and make a difference.”

Personally, I have to thank a high school counselor who told me to not even think about college and that I should instead consider a technical school or being a secretary…nice to prove them wrong isn’t it?

Dr. Nancy

Women Under 50: Should You Mammo Every Year?

Maggie — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:33:51 +0000

Women are worried about the recent recommendation that women under 50 NOT routinely receive mammograms. It’s hard to formulate a coherent rationale when experts have a variety of opinions. That’s what makes health care reform so challenging, isn’t it? Deciding how to allocate our limited resources.

Here are two perspectives I found in my in-box this morning from the RTIR newsletter.

Dr. W. Phil Evans, president of the society for breast imaging (SBI), says the recommendations are a step backward and represent a significant harm to women’s health.

A government health advisory panel has come out with controversial new recommendations about women and mammograms. The group, going against current guidelines set by the American Cancer Society, advises against routine screening for women 40-49 years old, one mammogram every 2 years for women between 50 and 74, and none for women over 74. Dr. Evans, says, “To tell women they should not get regular mammograms starting at 40 when this approach has overwhelmingly been shown to save lives is shocking. At least 40 percent of the lives saved by mammographic screening are of women aged 40-49. These recommendations are inconsistent with current science and apparently have been developed in an attempt to reduce costs. Unfortunately, many women may pay for this unsound approach with their lives.”

In contrast, a women’s health expert says that women’s fear of breast cancer is distracting them from much more important health issues.

Expert Nancy Sharts-Hopko believes the panel’s recommendations are based on long-term observations about what is effective. She adds that women are being misled about their real risks. “By far the number one killer of women is heart disease. One out of two American women will die of heart disease or stroke, which each year kills 356,000 women, compared to 42,000 women who die of breast cancer annually. Yet breast cancer is the top health fear of American women. We have much work to do in aligning women’s perceptions and self-care with this reality.”

Nancy Sharts-Hopko, Ph.D., RN, is a tenured Professor in the Villanova University College of Nursing. She has worked in the field of women’s health nursing for over 30 years; her published research has focused on women’s perceived health during various life and health transitions. She has also served as a member of and later as a consultant to two FDA Advisory Committees.

Here’s my BIG question: Does it have to be either/or?

Man Says Women Have Won the War!

Dr. Nancy — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:56:38 +0000

I just came across an article in the Huffington Post written by a male author who literally says “women have won the war against men and men are more like women”. I almost fell out of my chair when I read the article. He said men were doing more housework, childcare and were being more compassionate. I agree these are all important jobs of both mothers and fathers. Especially if they are lucky to still be married, have a good income, and basically agree to agree to share the roles as parents and as a couple. Point being he did not mention pay equality in jobs, jobs that still are not held by women, and that the “good ole Boys Network” is still blocking women from their full potential. I must not get too “bitchy” when I talk about the women who tell me about women who still do not have equality in the sports world when it comes to jobs, pay or opportunities. I also should not get upset in the year 2009 if there still are only a handful of women in Fortune 500 companies. Thank goodness the smart ones have left and have started their own companies and are now making 6 figures. I asked a graduate class recently if they thought women were still treated like a Minority group in our country. I offered information about the lack of equal pay, sexual abuse and crimes against a woman’s body and her job availability in today’s job market. I told them that children ages 5-12 years old when asked “if they wanted to be ”a girl or a boy” most often the response was “I want to be a boy“. When asked “Why?” Both girls and boys said “boys have more fun, have better jobs and make more money.” Many of the boys said they would want to kill themselves if they became girls. Out of the mouths of babes come the truths many of us just fail to see or do not want to admit exists. After my presentation the graduate class agreed that women still have minority status in this country despite their great numbers.

I want to remind you if you have not read our book, Timeless Women Speak”, I have three beautiful daughters and will have 7, yes 7 granddaughters so my work of sharing and making sure we do not have our heads in the sand is what is important to me. Be aware of the market place and how it wages war on our daughters and our own bodies to stay thin, young, and perfect. We are hit with the mantra: ”Stay young and beautiful if we want to be loved and find MR RIGHT” Sarah Maria is one of our latest smart, amazing women to share her ideas with us. I’ll be talking with her tomorrow and will post the recording on the website for your interest. She has dedicated her life to helping women of all ages to get over their “NEGATIVE BODY OBSESSION” and loving themselves no matter what they look like. In her new book “Love Your Body, Love Your Lives” she says “ women hate their bodies.” I say enough is enough! We must end this attack on our bodies, our self-esteem and our self worth.

So if we have won and men are more like women I would like to see some real proof and no more of this silly stuff. Women need to be aware of what is thrown at them by the media, articles like this one, and being told we are “OK” and it is all ok. I just heard another horror of a story that a recent medical journal said women should not have mammograms and it was a waste of time to do monthly breast exams. Bet they do not know anyone with breast cancer. What is going on? It was called by a news reporter a ”gender genocide” and you know what, I agree with her. We must wake up and make sure we do not fall prey to this kind of thinking or allow it to enter our daughters minds. Keep awake and be sure you know what is really going on. Do not believe everything you read or hear.

I guess I need to be fair and balanced since my last name is O’Reilly so, if you want to read more about this article, go to the Huffington Post and read Marcus Buckingham’s “Pyrrhic Victoria: Why Men Are Becoming More Like Women”, posted on November 17. Since I am such a good sport, I wish Mr. Buckingham happy trails.

Sarah Palin – What Does The Controversy Say About Women Today?

Maggie — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 23:04:02 +0000

Pundits are working the speaking circuit, offering their views on Sarah Palin. These notes came across my desk from RTIR, a service that offers guests to radio hosts. Do you agree with either of these speakers’ views of Ms. Palin?

“Palin – Good Example and Horrible Warning?

Sarah Palin has been thrust into the media spotlight again with the release of her new book, “Going Rogue.” BJ Gallagher says whether you love her or hate her, you can learn something from her. “Palin’s story is quintessentially American … a self-made woman from humble background, filled with ambition, ready to take on the world and shake up politics as usual – and looking good while doing it! She shakes things up, generates lots of heat, and gets people’s attention. BUT, she is also a loose cannon – unpredictable, erratic, quick on the trigger to fire at anyone who doesn’t agree with her. Her book is classic Palin … schoolgirl whining and complaining about how rough the big boys play, pouting about her unfair portrayal in
the media, and revealing an incredible level of emotional immaturity.”

“Palin as Feminist

According to conservative political commentator S.E. Cupp, Sarah Palin could be a feminist icon for the 21st century. “In December 2008, Gallup’s annual Most Admired Woman poll put Hillary Clinton on top of the list. Sarah Palin was next, ahead of Oprah Winfrey. So
who is the feminist icon, Clinton or Palin? Such ambiguities crystallize the struggle for women.” Cupp says many women today consider the word feminist today a dirty word. She says, as the debate over modern feminism continues, today’s women have to decide if the women’s movement belongs in the past, present or future. And quite possibly, Palin may emerge as a role model for a new type of feminist.”

Which is it? Or none of the above? Many women today admire and applaud Palin for her willingness to stir controversy. Do you consider feminism to be a “dirty word?”

Moxy Women are taking care of the world

Dr. Nancy — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:48:53 +0000

It is not often you meet someone who you just click with and as they say “are on the same page” with you. I have been blessed so many times I have stopped counting. I have been surrounding myself with smart, amazing women for over 10 years and in the last three years. Not surprising, I found some there are a lot of really smart, savvy women out there. I began my radio show “Timeless Women Speak” over three years ago. This is a radio show for women and about women, especially smart, amazing women who really want to help other women be at their best. What I mean “women being at their best” is being a woman who take care of her finances, she takes care of her health and fitness and she has good strong, healthy relationships (that includes herself). She does not let her age define who she is or allows it to block her in any way. She is passionate and wants to make her mark by making a difference in other women’s well-being and understands the value of having a sisterhood to truly flourish.

I want to introduce you to one I think you will enjoy knowing. She is what she calls herself a MOXY WOMAN. You may be asking what is a Moxy Woman?? I asked Jean that very guestion and she gave me words to describe a Moxy Woman (fiesty, passionate, dedicated, loyal, full of life) and on and on. I call Jean Harper, the CEO and Founder of Women Taking Care of the World the first and the original Moxy Woman. She said she started this amazing group of amazing women to bring them together to help women all over the world. So comes the title “Women Taking Care of the World”. She is determined that all women understand their own uniqueness and inner beauty and personal power. She has dedicated her life and made this her mission for her sister. Her sister was a victim of domestic violence and recently died of cancer. Her sister was beautiful person but lived with violence and was not able to truly experience her own inner beauty and power. Jean explains, she was unable to free herself from feeling unworthy and that she lived each day in fear. Jean says no woman in her lifetime should feel this way and she is out to make sure what happened to her sister never happens to another woman. Sadly, domestic violence continues to be a major social issue that is often ignored, denied and continues to grow. Jean is fighting that each and everyday and is recruiting Moxy Women to join in her battle and crusade to change the world for women to feel really special about themselves.

I am proud to say Jean Harper contacted me and gave me the title of being a Moxy Woman. I have never been prouder to tell people I am a Moxy Woman and the neat thing about it the Women Speak Project is also about bringing smart, amazing women together to help other women. Jean and many other smart, amazing, moxy women are joining forces and we want you to come along. We want to hear what you have to say, how you want to help or be helped. Together there is nothing we cannot accomplish. I do not want to hear these words and I hope you do not want to hear them either. I do not want to hear….”first woman to………….”. I want there to be no more barriers for women no matter what their age or circumstances. You can learn more about Jean Harper and being a Moxy Woman at www.moxywomen.com. Please join Jean and I and lets all be “women taking care of the world”. I want to personally thank Jean Harper for her vision, her passion and her unselfishness and her deep dedication to women and making sure they have better lives. Bravo Jean…You go Moxy Woman!!

Moxy Women Find Your Voice

cathy — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:47:33 +0000

That is the theme of Jean Harper and Dr. Nancy O’Reilly and many more women throughout the world. The network of women discovering how powerful they can be is growing minute-by-minute. It’s exciting and inspiring.

Watch Jean’s new Moxy Women Movie and find inspiration from the women featured there and the images and music that can make your heart soar.

Then listen to the interview Dr. Nancy did with Jean last June. Jean talks about how her sister’s life and death inspired her to turn her business, “Women Taking Care of Business,” into a force for women everywhere. The image that looks so much like Elizabeth Taylor on the beginning of the movie is Jean’s beautiful sister.

If you find a kernel of truth about yourself in anything you see and hear here, listen. Personally, I’m very lucky that I have always been encouraged to follow my dream. Yet, I have two quotes above this screen where these words appear: “Practice what you want to be.” Dr. Nancy O’Reilly; “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” Lao Tzu. I realize that am the author of my own limitations. And I must practice to be more than I perceive as possible.

I hope you find the movie inspiring. And you increase your own personal power and that of other women you meet.

We All “WIN” When We Recognize Our Achievements.

cathy — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 12:51:05 +0000

Unless your head is buried in the sand, you probably know that women lag way behind men when it comes to being recognized in sports. In school, it’s an understatement to say that most of the funding goes to the high attendance sports played by the men. Girls not only have to compete against one another in sports, they have to compete against our society’s tradition of tucking them away in some sort of passive, secondary role. Boys are encouraged to play sports to teach them teamwork, striving for perfection, make them healthy and fit and give them a sense of achievement. Why should it be any different for girls?

Okay, that’s totally my opinion. I invite you to argue with me…please. I’d like for you to win that argument. Show me it ain’t so. My mind can be changed, but I need some evidence. I admit it’s great to see movies about female major league teams of by-gone days and how much heart and soul they put into the game. But I’d prefer to see “reality” TV on Sunday afternoon of real sports heroines competing today instead of actresses portraying unrecognized women sports legends from decades ago.

I’ll get off my soap box and get to the point. There’s a terrific area organization dedicated to recognizing women in sports and their achievements. It’s called “WIN,” Women Intersport Network. (See Dr. Nancy’s blog from Sept. 9.). Next Wednesday is their 4^th annual Awards Banquet to celebrate the foremost leaders in women sports in Springfield, Missouri. These award-winners are women who have lived their passion, become exceptional role models and blazed the trail for women’s sports in this community.

Dr. Nancy is going to give the keynote address. It’s a subject that she’s very passionate about. So it is guaranteed to be an inspirational evening and well-worth attending. Check out the WIN website for more information about the organization and the banquet. If you don’t have an organization like it in your community, maybe it’s time to get organized. The only way women can shine is if we turn on the lights. We need to celebrate and encourage one another to succeed in all areas of life. That’s how we turn all women into winners.

Book Review from Boomer Women Speak

cathy — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 01:00:56 +0000

We are delighted to receive this great notice from one of the reviewers at The National Association of Boomer Women. Thank you Melinda for reading Timeless Women Speak in the method suggested by Dr. Nancy in the book. The way you discuss how this increased your understanding of the intent of the authors is insightful and important for other women readers. We appreciate your thorough, thoughtful review.

Read Melinda’s complete review below, or go to The NABBW website and check out other great information they have to share.

Timeless Women Speak: Feeling Youthful at Any Age
Author: Nancy D. O’ Reilly, PsyD and Margaret U. Castrey
www.womenspeak.com

Reviewed By: Melinda Cianos

In Feeling Youthful at Any Age the reader can expect to come face-to-face with the fear of aging. Revelations are not sugar-coated, they are realistic and no-nonsense, but they are also optimistic. Clinical psychologist Nancy O’Reilly and journalist Margaret Castrey endeavor to increase our understanding, awareness, and eventual acceptance of the aging process. They suggest going directly to the section dedicated to your particular age and then reading on to the age you will be entering before reading beginning to end. I did as I was told, began at the “forties” section, and found myself smack-dab in the middle of the book (how appropriate). Here I found the stories of several women who are facing changing bodies, hormone levels, and desires for their future. Their fears and impressions are candidly shared; Castrey and O’Reilly do a nice job allowing the voices of the forty-something women interviewed to resonate with the strength they’ve received from dispelling those fears.

Only when I read the book start to finish did I gain the clarity that I am sure was the authors’ intent: age after age, decade after decade, women’s concerns remain the same. We get the message that we are not alone in our struggle to learn how to truly love ourselves. Concerns are handled differently from woman to woman; comfort comes through the sharing of the failures and the successes so as women living in a less-than-gentle society we provide ourselves with the benefit of a collective courage. It was somewhat arresting to read about women in their twenties who are already harboring concerns about aging, already preparing to do battle with the threat of invisibility, yet I found the frankness with which the women relayed their perspective, whether it was entirely healthy or not, refreshing.